Third year sounded way cooler in my head.
I thought by now I'd have everything figured out. Better at coding, better at managing my time, better at handling deadlines. Instead, I somehow have more projects, more responsibilities, and less energy than ever. Every week feels like there's something new to finish. A system to build. A presentation to prepare. A deadline I definitely knew about but somehow still ended up doing the night before. And then, because apparently school wasn't enough, I decided to build my portfolio.
I told myself it would be simple. Just update the design, add some projects, write a few blogs, and call it a day.
That plan lasted about five minutes.
I changed the design multiple times. Switched ideas. Rewrote sections that were already working. Spent way too much time fixing tiny details that probably nobody else would notice. At some point, I realized I was stressing over a website that was literally supposed to represent me.
Very fitting.
Another thing I've started noticing is how dependent I've become on AI. There have been way too many moments where I've stared at a bug, a test, an assignment and had absolutely no idea what was wrong, and immediately opened Gemini, Claude, or Codex. Those three have saved me one too many times at this point.
It's useful, obviously, but sometimes I catch myself asking AI for help before I've even properly tried solving the problem myself. That's probably something I need to work on. I don't want to reach the point where I can build things only because an AI is there holding my hand through every error message. At the same time, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful for it. Some of these projects would have taken me ten times longer without them.
My poor AI credits have suffered enough already.
The funny thing is, third year doesn't feel difficult because of one massive problem. It's everything happening at the same time. Classes. Projects. Competitions. Organizations. Personal projects. Trying to improve my skills. Trying to figure out what I actually want to do after college. Trying to get enough sleep somewhere in between. Some days I feel productive.
Other days, opening VS Code feels like an achievement.
There's also this weird pressure that comes with being further into college.
First year felt like figuring things out.
Second year felt like getting comfortable.
Third year feels like someone suddenly looked at the calendar and said:
"Alright, you should probably know what you're doing now."
I do not.
But I think I'm slowly learning that nobody completely does.
Most of the progress I've made this year hasn't come from suddenly becoming smarter or more disciplined. It came from doing things while tired, fixing things that didn't work, changing plans, and continuing anyway.
My portfolio is still unfinished.
My projects still have bugs.
My schedule is questionable at best.
I feel SO behind from my peers.
But things are moving.
Maybe that's enough for now.
Third year?
More like tired year.
And somehow, we're only getting started.